Contribution from Hurt and Attraction to Hurt in the Counselling process
“Deep down underneath it all, where it really counts, you are ok.”
(A Guide to Humanistic Psychology-p.6) What a powerful and reassuring statement. If we can really take this on board, what a great bonus already on our journey of personal development in the counselling process. When we go through tough times and remember that “this too will pass” really believe it, in our vulnerability we will find our strength.
In focusing on strength as a technique in the counselling process we come up with the healing force and one of the most significant tools in Contribution Training, or CT ‘Contribution from Hurt’. It is such a powerful way of coming through our issues if we can learn to give from the place where we are most hurt. We are in fact an expert in the particular field which has hurt us. If we have suffered from anxiety, we are an authority in this area. We have much to offer if we can tap into it.
The way in which we are hurt therefore has the potential, to be a source of great strength for us. The emphasis in Contribution Training is, in learning how to contribute to others through our hurt and, in so doing we contribute to and heal ourselves. This can be ongoing, a part of our daily lives and relationships, our ‘Purpose’. The process of contribution is what we do, we develop purpose in what we do. “The most effective way to strengthen the nourishing core in a person is to discover the particular contribution to others from which that individual derives most satisfaction.” (CT Manual)
Pellin’s Contribution Training, CT, is both a Humanistic and Integrative counselling approach.. An integral part of CT is the teaching of a set of realistic and applicable tools to counsellors and to clients. This includes listening skills, The Pendulum of our emotions, a sense of purpose, The Life Forces, Feelings of Accomplishment, True Rest, Callousing, Attraction to Hurt , Referrals and Resistance to Change. These tools are taught to practitioners and to clients.
‘Attraction to Hurt’ can draw us into acting in such a way that we perpetuate hurt by what we say or do. We can be drawn to those things, people or types of behaviour that are not good for us. Perhaps we are not able to let go of old friendships that no longer work for us, spend time with the wrong people, addicted to unhealthy relationships. This can prevent us from finding calm and happiness in our lives.
We need to understand how hurt is passed on from generation to generation, how we can inherit hurt. Then if we are consciously aware, we can choose what we are going to do for the sake of the next generation, for our children. This means being prepared to go on our own therapeutic journey to work out and understand what happened to us. “A child can never see through unconscious manipulation. It is like the air he breathes; he knows no other, and it appears to him to be the only breathable air” (The Drama of being a Child Ch.1 p.24)
Contribution Training © Peter Fleming, Pellin Institute